Stray Thoughts from Game of Thrones: The Wars To Come

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Stray thoughts and whatnot about a television show we at Podcoost like to watch called Game of Thrones. It’s quite good.
Spoilers in this article – OBVIOUSLY!
NICK STEVENS

1. And we’re back in Westeros! Eventually! After more than four minutes of recap and opening credits that feature a somewhat puzzling run through the blueprints of Euro Disney with obsessively fine attention to detail. Most of it immediately rang bells and nestled me nicely back into the show’s salty and contemptuous butt-crack, until a photographer from Snowboarder’s Digest called Lancel turns up, bangs Cersei then offers her dead husband some wine laced with boar pheromones. I remember precisely zero of that.

2. I was strangely aroused by the witch with the prophecy. She has a really unique style that is rather a different look in a fashion season dominated by pastels and her cozy little house had me wistfully reminiscing about my old room at college. Telling a young child that her future involves cuckolding and treachery before being usurped by a more tender piece of ass shows refreshing honesty that seems in such short supply these days.

3. How good is Tyrion? That excellent scene in which he chunders and then just soldiers on with a goblet of wine got me all misty-eyed over college days for the second time in 10 minutes. Choice quotes included “the future is shit” and “do you know what it’s like to stuff your shit through one of those air holes?”

The fat little eunuch is also great. Those two should get a sitcom when the show’s finally through, assuming (possibly foolishly) that they survive. Alternatively they could nominate for the rookie draft in a bid to supplement Carlton’s forward line.

Tyrion. Whadda guy! Image courtesy http://blogs.wsj.com
Tyrion. Whadda guy! Image courtesy http://blogs.wsj.com

4. The young Mother of Dragons, previously seen on one of the less-baffling episodes of MTV’s 16 and Pregnant, continued her struggle in Egypt to overcome her battle with a nefarious plotline that villainously treads water. She is also having sex with the Jesus impersonator that used to hang around the parking lot of Northland Shopping Centre on weekends handing out carelessly folded leaflets for a bowling alley. Her dragons seem really angry about being locked in a pitch-black dungeon, setting her up to make the excellent decision to stroll in without a torch for no reason at all except to have a cheap and contrived moment of panic and weakness.

In further news, a eunuch looked for affection before being betrayed by a woman, which took the college tally to three in fifteen minutes.

5. Jon Snow is gonna get some. Good for him I say.

Another red head in the bed for Jon Snow? Image courtesy http://gameofthrones.wikia.com
Another redhead in the bed for Jon Snow? Image courtesy http://gameofthrones.wikia.com

6. Holy shit, how much does that little kid suck? Is his name Robin? The creepy little inbred fucker that sucked his hideous mum’s tits until Soul Patch murderised the shit out of her by dropping her off the side of a space station? Jesus. I hope emo Sansa cyber-bullies him. “He swings a sword like a girl with palsy.”

7. I imagine Stephen Fry was quite stunned when he flicked to HBO and saw himself getting burned at the stake.

Ciarán Hinds or Stephen Fry? Image courtesy http://fansided.com
Ciarán Hinds or Stephen Fry? Image courtesy http://fansided.com

Incidentally, how nervous would Jon Snow have been lining up that shot? Supreme confidence by the lad. Hits anywhere but the heart and it goes from courageous act of mercy to just shooting a dude that is already on fire in the pancreas.

 

stickNick Stevens is the living embodiment of our lord and saviour Jesus Christ on this earth. These days he mostly just plays Football Manager and cries.

 

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