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ZAC STREVENS – Montreal
Stray thoughts and whatnot about a television show some of us at The Coost enjoy called The Walking Dead. We also enjoy picking it apart. It’s season seven now. Season. Seven.
1. Another week, another Austin Powers bell ringing. This undoubtedly says more about me than it does about The Walking Dead. Nevertheless, it should be said that Fabiana Udenio could whip Alexandria into submission just as effectively as Negan.
2. “A lot of suspense there. I don’t even think she knew how much,” says Big Neegs after a gentle prodding of Rosita. We, the audience, know exactly how much suspense there has been in anticipation of Negan’s arrival as the main antagonist. A lot. And now it’s too much. We get it, Negan is different to the rest of the Big Bads that have been defeated by Rick Grimes and his cohorts. This is how they live now, or they die – brutally. Rick is swallowing his pride, as well as Negan’s metaphorical dick (more on that in a second). Everyone else should too.
Except we know this show. This isn’t the way they’ll live for long, and Negan will get his, just like the ones that came before him. So let’s not make this season about just how domineering The Saviors are and just how much they’ve broken our heroes, and how futile existence is, and how humans are the real monsters. That’s what TWD used to do. That would be akin to hanging at Hershel’s farm for all of season two. Season six was awesome and appeared to change the status quo, but season seven is suggesting a regression. “I just slipped my dick down your throat, and you thanked me for it.” How about you slip some plot progression down next. We’ll be just as grateful.
3. Rosita is driving a car with a Virgina license plate. Which begs the question: Where the hell are these people now? They started in Georgia, and could still be there because Georgia is pretty large. But then there was the aborted quest to get Eugene to Washington, so they could actually be in Virginia. Wherever they are, I have a theory on who owns the car. This guy…
This jabroni has been wandering around the same cornfield for seven seasons. And that is a “Dude, where’s my car?” swagger if ever I’ve seen one…
4. No Maggie. No Sasha. Look for episode five to be completely about them; women working together to attempt to cope with the death of one of their own. Wait, sorry, that’s Steel Magnolias. Episode five will most likely see two women working together to attempt to cope with the heads of their partners being crushed in front of their eyes. Obstensibly the same as the 1987 mother of all chick-flicks, yet subtly different.
5. “Excuse the shit out of my goddamn French.” Neegan does have some great lines. “Hollllly crap! You are creepy as shit, sneaking up on me, wearing that collar, with that freaky-ass smile.” Basically every character’s reaction to Gabriel ever, finally expressed audibly.
The only thing with that “French” remark – and it’s a great line – is that what he fully said was “well pardon me young man, and excuse the shit out of my goddamn French, but did you just threaten me?” He doesn’t actually use “French” except when asking for it to be pardoned. Which makes me think Negan isn’t as smart as he thinks he is. Which means he’s going down at some point.
6. Nothing about Spencer is appealing. And yet Rosita still slept with him, is still sleeping with him as far as I know. Maybe because she needed the 180-degree opposite of Abraham’s ginger handlebar-moustached alpha-male masculinity after the Sergeant kicked her to the curb. It would not be the least bit suprising if it was revealed The Walking Dead is operating on two different timelines and Spencer is just a grown-up Carl.
7. If The Godfather, and by extension You’ve Got Mail, have taught us anything it’s that a pile of burning mattresses is a declaration of war. I mean, so’s everything else done by Negan and The Saviors, but just look at Michonne’s tears as she looks upon them. She’s gonna go Sonny Corleone on Rick Grimes/Tom Hagen soon enough.
8. Look what we have here. Just when we’ve finished discussing that episode five will be all about Maggie/Sasha comes a sort-of justification…
Except we’ve also got Carl basically telling Enid to “jog on.” There will be riots in the streets if episode six is only about those two…